Who you marry matters.
Today I celebrate one year married to Ben.
It took us 9 years and a whole lot of ups and downs to get to the alter (or secluded sandy beach in our case), but on September 6th, 2023, we said our vows in front of two of our closest friends, a celebrant, a photographer, and a very patient wedding planner, and sealed the deal.
To Marry or to 4B?
As the feminist movement continues to evolve, marriage is fast becoming a redundant institute, particularly in the minds of women, if you read what they say on social media and follow the 4B movement, which celebrates women living their lives as single, childless and having no need to date men.
As a 40 year old bride, I feel I’m a dying breed, — possibly one of the last of my era to embrace heterosexual marriage and a few of my friends were curious as to why now, after all these years, I went ahead and got married, despite all the perceived negatives it places on independent women such as myself.
So, why did I do it?
Well, quite simply, I wanted to be married to Ben.
Hayman Island. Our photographer captured the day beautifully.
I appreciate and understand it can be challenging to date a fiercely independent woman and Ben has never faltered. Despite all you see on social media, our relationship has been far from perfect but the one thing that stands strong, is Ben’s commitment to me.
He has always been supportive of my work, which as we all know is incredibly important to me, and together, I know we share a common goal of building a life that is abundant.
We also both like fancy things, rnb old school music, going on long drives, and we’re both obsessed with our dog Lex. We have our differences and we fight sometimes but at the end of the day, I know that ultimately, we’re both headed in the same direction.
Did I mention we have a lot of fun together and my husband is the funniest person I know.
The Ex Files.
Although I refer to my ex in many of my posts, and you’ve probably assumed I’ve been married once before, this is not the case. Yes, I had a previous life before I met Ben and this has shaped my views in many ways, which is why I refer to it in my writing, but at the end of the day, that relationship was not right for me — which brings me to the point of why I’m writing about marriage (and not necessarily the “what” “where” or “why”) but the WHO.
Who you marry matters.
If you do decide to marry, or re-marry, think long and hard about the “who”.
If you’re the driven, independent type like me, these are the qualities I believe “work” and I’m happy for you to use this list as a bit of a checklist if you’re currently dating someone whom you might be considering as marriage material but you’re sitting on the fence.
Someone who —
Supports your independence.
Encourages your career.
Has a full life going on outside of you - ie their own career, business, hobbies etc.
Earns a decent living.
Forget about looks, tons of money and all that superficial crap that we valued in our twenties — building a life alongside someone but also together with someone is both a challenge but incredibly rewarding if you pick the right person.
You go further together. Achieve more.
The big day - 6th September 2023
The Money Stuff.
You’ll notice my fourth point leans into the money stuff and I wholeheartedly believe you should be considering this. You don’t have to marry a millionaire but if you’re the driven type, I believe that choosing someone who matches your drive (and possibly your bank balance) is important. There needs to be a sense of equality on this front or the relationship is going to feel imbalanced.
I’m no relationship expert, but this has been my experience.
So whether you decide to be a 4B-er, stay single, casually date, or whether marriage falls more within your values — at the end of the day, who you allow into your life will shape things whether you like it or not.
Stay picky.
MEET THE WRITER
Hi. I’m Wendy.
I’m a storytelling writer, champagne lover and Luxury Buyer’s Agent based in Brisbane Australia. I write about real estate life and my journey as a self-made career woman.
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